The “New Normal?”

 

Please tell me this isn’t the “new normal.” It was one of those days where getting out of bed was a challenge of the utmost difficulty, and even a warm shower didn’t remove the grimy film of crankiness from my body. Everything around me screamed annoyance. The cats crying for food grated on my nerves; the too-tight jeans cutting into my tummy were saddening my resolve; the sprinklers watering the concrete sidewalks on my way into work made everything a slippery mess, and of course my gate-access card would not let me into the garage, so I had to “tailgate” another car to park. All of that and it wasn’t even 8:00 a.m. yet!

Unfortunately, this has been my experience for the past few weeks. Everything seems to go wrong, and nothing seems to line up for me. Although I hate to say it out loud, I’m unfortunately feeling a bout of depression. I know it happens, but this time of year with all of its new beginnings and fresh starts sometimes overwhelms me more than the past holiday season ever did. I’m feeling all of these expectations to be new and better, but don’t have the will to make it so.

Two posts ago I was all happiness and joy about a new start and my “goals” for the New Year. Now simply reading that post makes me very, very tired.  And overwhelmed. Not to mention feeling very foolish as well. I know better than to lay out an outline of that magnitude so early on in the year in a rush of optimism. It’s usually far better for me to set goals one at a time, very simply, and without fanfare. I know that it is usually better to share goals with someone else so that you feel more accountable, but sharing them with the world was a little too much accountability for me.

Please don’t get me wrong; life as I know it is going remarkably well. I still have gainful employment and a steady income, my family, my boyfriend, and my physical health. It’s just that the heart lens through which I see all of that is distorted. Somehow it has become a kaleidoscope that has fragmented all of the perfect wholes and made them into mixed up pieces that don’t seem to add up.

I know from experience that this is not a forever-state. This feeling of gloom and being out-of-place in life is temporary. I might even read a kind word or see an uplifting image in mere moments that breaks the kaleidoscope’s hold and returns my heart lens to complete. Or a good night’s sleep will restore my faith in myself and the world around me.

Thankfully I know that this too shall pass. This is not the “new normal.”

Fall Down and Rise Again

It’s Day Two of keeping my New Year‘s Goals. (“Resolutions” sounds way too final. I need room for growth and revision). I decided that I would share a few of my very-ordinary-yet-oh-so-important-to-me goals with you. Maybe if I get them out there in the universe they will manifest appropriately if you’re into that. If not, maybe God will see and hear my prayers for a better life and lend a helping hand- maybe that’s more your style. I’ve separated my Goals into a few categories to make them more manageable.

PHYSICAL HEALTH GOALS

1. Eat healthier. Well, duh. I think that this goal tops most everyone’s New Year’s List, but for me it is a serious thing. I have joined Weight Watchers in an attempt at some official guidance. I’ve worked with Weight Watchers before after the great Lithium Weight Gain, and I lost almost 80 pounds through the program, so I am confident in its success. The new Points Plus program they have unveiled gives me great hope for a healthier New Year. (No- I am not a spokesperson for Weight Watchers!)
2. Move more. I suppose this goes with my first goal, but it really is for both my physical health as well as my mental health. I vow to get my behind on the beautiful red bicycle sitting in my living room, and use the two healthy feet that God has blessed me with to both gain cardiovascular fitness and mental clarity.

MENTAL HEALTH GOALS

1. Honor my emotions, but not live by them. I will honor the fact that I will feel sad, down, and out-of-sorts at times. It is okay. I will not make big decisions or pick little fights with my friends and loved ones because of them. They are valid and okay emotions that deserve attention in my life, yet so not have to rule my actions.
2. Attend therapy appointments/support groups regularly. I have been to about as many therapists as there are in my area, and have yet to find one that makes me feel safe and comfortable sharing my life. This year I will find one (or a good support group) that makes me feel like I am important and my feelings are valid, and I will attend regularly.

CREATIVE GOALS

1. Write every day. I will write something non-school-or-work related EVERY DAY. Period. End of story. No excuses!
2. Share my work. I will not be apprehensive about sharing my works-in-progress with my trusted sources.

WORK GOALS

1. Stay Positive. My current work situation is less than ideal, but that is okay. I have the ability to stay positive and make the most out of my every day in this position. I will learn to handle adversity and dissent, and will rise above the nonsense.
2. Seek opportunity. I am not stuck where I am professionally. I am full of skill and talent that is currently untapped. I will seek opportunities to expand my horizons and find a niche for my multitude of talents.

LIFE GOALS

1. Appreciate that true love is rare. I am lucky enough to be loved by a wonderful, attentive, and caring man. I will not take that for granted, and will take every opportunity to show him how special he is to me in every way.
2. Appreciate my loving and supportive family. I am also blessed by an unconditionally loving and generous family. I will give to them all that they have given to me and more.

So, there we are…my simple and hopeful goals for the New Year. I am eager to get started and share my success with you. May your year bring you all of the blessings and love that you deserve. I am here for your support!